An Open Letter To My Father

For love is never a binary thing, there is so much more in that famous four letters.

They say that the firstborn child especially a female will always be a Papa's girl.

Maybe they are right or maybe not. But if you’ll ask me, I surely can admit that in a heartbeat.

You were my first love and my first heartbreak. I can still hear a part of me crack a little upon remembering that period and yes that is the human in me, zilch guilt in that.

You walked on your own path and needless to say, most of your ways I may never fully understand.

Ironically, some of them I find quite hilarious but in all honesty most of the time I find them utterly upsetting. And as much as I wanted for you to be in your best shape—because that's the thing we will always want for the people we love right? The best. Though through these years of being your daughter, I came to realize that no matter how hard we love a person, their desire to be better will only be up to them. It will only be their choice, it will only be your choice. It took me a long journey to arrived at that conclusion but I did. We did, lovingly waving to my fellow awesome and incredible creatures—my siblings.

As cliché, as it may sound, acceptance and forgiveness can take one's life in a long way.

For love is never a binary thing, there is so much more in that famous four letters.

So it doesn't matter how the people around you view you as a person. I know you are not perfect—no doubt about that. I can barely remember the last time you made it easy to be your child. You are a very proud man yet there are moments you act like a rebellious teenager who needs a great dose of discipline. You mess up, pretty much of the time but so am I and so are the half other people walking on earth or maybe more so who cares right? A person shouldn't be perfect or void of mistake for them to be worthy of love. And we love you Pa, more than you’ll be able to accept and believe.

And for this I know I will always carry your name with my head held high because I am certain that you love us too, in the very best and most peculiar way you can.

There is this one phrase you keep on repeating that will always linger. “In whatever higher existence I believe in, you are always in my prayers”. And that, no matter how few are the moments we spend together, I firmly believe.

For whatever situation we are in right now. There will always be a part of me that only belongs to you and I will always be grateful that I have you as my FATHER.

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN Papa Eron.

Sincerely,

Your firstborn who's named after an outburst of laughter.

P.S There are times even after more than 3 decades of existence that I see myself as the child in this picture.

Barefoot and oblivious of all the uncertainties of the world.

But the thought of you always kept me grounded—for this maybe intentional or not—you have taught me, that I can strive, in my own imperfect ways, and be the better version of you.

Love and Light Papa, as always.

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